with your own penis?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
