How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
