He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
