There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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