Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
