My nipple is on Facebook.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
