Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
