Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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