i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
