I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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