I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
