Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
