DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize