allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
