Tell her she can't have a vagina
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
