can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
