I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
