my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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