I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
