Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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