Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
the liver wants what the liver wants
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
