Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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