I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
