just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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