I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
