hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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