remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
