True but thats because hes a fetus.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
