Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
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She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
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Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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