i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
