It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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