Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
