He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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