Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
