I will die if light touches me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Can you bring me the toilet please
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
