Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
