Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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