I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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