On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
