OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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