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Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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