so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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