You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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