He disabled his match.com account in front of me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
