Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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