she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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