People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
did i just pee glitter
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
