thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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