Nicole vs. Life
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
