Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
