weddingsv make me drug and hornr
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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