I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize