Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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