Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
