Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
