end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Someone came in the potted fern
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
