So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
