There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
