he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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