He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
