I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
