i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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