do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
