he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
