Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
They took my balls.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
